TEENS, DOMESTIC CONFLICTS AND THE HELP WE NEED

FAMILY COMFLICTS AND TEENS;

What is family conflict?

Conflict is the normal process through which people resolve differences. When people live together under the same roof, there are bound to be disagreements and arguments as personalities clash and everyone wants to be heard. This is one of the most common teenage problems with parents which may lead to ongoing parent teenager conflict.

What is domestic and family violence
Domestic violence is violence that happens in a relationship. It can be physical, but also takes many other forms. Domestic violence affects everyone around it, whether they experience it directly or witness the violence or signs of violence.

Domestic and family violence:

• • happens when one person in a relationship hurts another or makes them feel unsafe
• • has a pattern of control, where ongoing abuse stops someone from feeling free to live life as they choose
• • is not just physical – it can also be emotional, financial, spiritual, social, legal, reproductive, and can include stalking and neglect
• • can happen in any kind of relationship — not just with partners, husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends (intimate partners)
• • can happen in any location, not just the home

This can increase during adolescence in particular, as it’s normal for teenagers to seek independence and separation from their parents. Other causes of family fighting can be differences in opinions, poor communication, changes in the family (such as a new baby or divorce), sibling rivalry or discipline issues.

The question was: “Can parental conflict with each other affect adolescent growth?” I believe the answer is ‘yes,’ because parents are influential and adolescents are impressionable.  

The reason why adolescents are so impressionable is that they are experimentally in search of a more grown up identity that contrasts with the childhood definition they are letting go. Adolescents are open to be influenced.- Carl Pickhardt Ph.D.

 

Also remember that, as your child moves through their teenage years, they’re still learning the life skills that they will need for adult life. Dealing with conflict effectively is likely to be something that they’re inexperienced in, and as a parent you can play an important role in helping them develop this skill.

Conflict is a normal part of family life and can often escalate during teenage years. About 1 in 5 young people say they are concerned about family conflict, which can arise for many different reasons. There are simple tools parents can use to help minimise the impact of conflict on their children and strengthen family relationships. 

This can help if you:

 Notice that fighting is increasing in your home

 Want to know the reasons why conflict arises

 Want to know ways to manage and minimise family conflict.

How family conflict can influence your child

Conflict in families can impact children in many ways and long-term exposure to conflict may be psychologically damaging. Children can be influenced by family issues like fighting in a number of ways.

Some children and adolescents may act out by showing increased aggression, defiance and behavioral problems.

• Your child may experience depressive symptoms, such as feeling lonely or sad, or isolating themselves in their bedroom for long periods.
•  Children exposed to parental conflict may experience feelings of anxiety or feel pressure to divide their loyalty between parents.
• There are things you can do to help your child manage family conflict

How might a teenager experience domestic violence?

There are many ways a teenager can experience violence. They may experience it themselves, witness it happening to someone close to them or see it in the community. They may have a friend confide in them about experiences of violence at home.

A teenager will be impacted by violence if they:

• • experience violence and abuse themselves
• • witness violence or its consequences (injuries, distress, damaged property)
• • hear about someone’s experience of violence
• • play the role of carer, protector or supporter of someone impacted by violence
• • live in a violent home or are regularly in a violent environment
• What is the impact of domestic violence on teenagers?

Even when they are not experiencing violence directly, exposure to violence puts teenagers at risk. They may engage in risk-taking or self-medicating behaviour, this is often to block out bad memories or numb emotional pain. Trying to stay away from the home may put them in unsafe situations. Having to take on adult responsibilities for themselves or younger family members can create emotional and psychological burdens.

 

A teenager may respond to these impacts of violence by experiencing• anger, aggression and lashing out

• • trouble sleeping, nightmares, bed wetting and chronic tiredness
• anxiety, depression and panic
•  alcohol or drug misuse
•  self-harming behaviour
•  difficulties with school and disengaging from school
•  avoidance of social situations or avoiding home

When conflict becomes aggression

Anger and conflict between parents and teenagers is a normal part of family life, and often very prevalent in teenagers who are going through big physical and emotional changes. However when conflict turns into aggression or violence, it may be time to get help.

Young people that are exposed to violence or abuse in the family home, or other parts of their life, are more likely to become violent themselves. They may be violent with their friends becoming unfriendly and withdrawn. They tend to want to keep to themselves and show signs of depression.

What can I do to support a teenager who has been exposed to violence?
Acknowledge that they know what is happening, to whatever degree:

“I know you’ve seen [person] behave abusively [or call me names / hurt me / scare me] before.”

“I know you’ve seen me upset because of things [person] does.”

“I know you can see things happening at home that aren't good.”
Others are ;

Let them know that you understand this affects them too:

Let them know that what is happening isn't OK:

Explain that the only person responsible for the abuse is the abusive person:

Focus on what the abusive person does not who the person is:

The best thing you can do is provide them with a positive adult-teenager relationship. Be an open and unconditional listener, allow them to participate in seeking professional support and making safety plans. Find ways to create opportunities for positive and trusting relationships.

• Other things you can do include:• ask how they are feeling, focus on listening and let them know that you are fully there for them
•  let them know there are support options available to them
• don’t speak negatively of abusive family members, but let them know that violence and abuse is never okay
•  with their input, seek professional advice and support
•  model positive relationships by being respectful and not aggressive when interacting with others
• help them get involved in things that they enjoy and that boost self-esteem and mental wellbeing, such as hobbies, sports, and regular exercise
• where possible keep them safe from violence

As much as possible parents should avoid a situation where there would be conflicts in the home, surely offences shall come, but woe unto such through which it comes, so the Lord says.

He also said, we (fathers) should not provoke their children to wrath.
So we see that the onus is on us to ensure that as much as possible we live with peace with all men. All parents must avoid conflicts for the sake of the whole family ans the children in particular.

Teens need role models and the first place they have to get this is right there in the home which is the microcosome of the larger society we shall ultimately prepare them to be.

Let's live to God's glory .

If you are a teen reading this, and experiencing conflicts at home seek ways to talk to your parents about it. If its affecting you beyond what you can bear, seek counsel and above all pray for calm in the home as the Lord makes the stormy sea calm.

 

Compiled by Ayo-Ben-Niji
@ayobeniji4j
CitadelProject


Reference;
For further read.
https://parents.au.reachout.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us