AS A TEEN; AM I READY TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

The world today puts so much pressure on teens when it comes to dating. The world tells us to date now and date often and date a lot of different people so we don't "miss out" on any of life's experiences. The question is this, can one outrun his/her shadow.? There is always a time appointed for everyone and everything. 

Until a child starts to walk and also muster some words, going to school to learn away from the loving and watchful eye of the mother, might just be a problem. Until your milk teeth give way, it's almost impossible for the permanent ones to take shape; same way it is with the issue of emotions and affection which has some qualities of romance lacing it up. 

We must know that God is the only master planner who has prepared us for every stage in life. Everything and stage comes with an appointed time. There is time for everything. To make things take their naturap working path when we would be ready to handle all the challenges and pressure that may come with such.

What is God's plan? God has a different plan for His sons and daughters. He has a higher standard for us too, one which we, as Christ followers, should strive to reach—even if it goes against the world's standards and expectations. 

As much as possible in the course of this write up, we shall be interchangeably be using the term dating and having boyfriend or girlfriend synobymously. This is for a better understanding for the targeted demography as the term could be more understood better to the teens. 

Going further, evens if  the world would want to continue to evolve using different terms to explain and make somethings appealing to the new generation, it still would not reduce in anyway the gravity of the wrong that comes with such terms and acts. The world may call abortion, evacuation for instance, but does this reduce the fact that God frowns at this very act? No, same way with having boyfriend/girlfriend ( or a sin friend),  in as long as it involved sinful acts, calling such- dating doesn't water down its effect and sinfulness (once it is abused).

To the  larger society, it may sound like the  Bible doesn't talk a lot specifically about dating.  There is a reason for that.  Dating is a very new practice in the history of humanity.  The idea of choosing someone to go out and spend one on one time with outside of a marriage commitment is still very new.  In biblical times, there was no "dating".

However, the Bible does share many truths and theological principles that help us think Biblically when it comes to modern cultural issues like dating.  My fear is that many single Christians think about dating, relationships, and marriage just like the world.  There is a great failure of building our thinking about dating on the Word of God.

Although it is not necessarily a sin to date in middle  ( junior) school or high school, I argued that dating by a teenager or one who is still in school and in his early tween (in middle  school and high school) is very unwise and a risk that should be avoided until you are ready to be married.  I know how radically counter cultural that sounded to my teenagers who seem to be in a new dating relationship every other week. However, here are my reasons.

Puppy love and childhood crushes turn to teenage dating activities for at least half of all high school students. With the onset of adolescence, teens spend less time with family and more time with peers. In the early teen years, mixed-gender groups predominate. By mid-teens, up to two-thirds of high school students report they have dated or are in a romantic relationship (in the western world).  Having a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school can have significant effects on a teenager's social development and personal identity.

many negative effects of dating during the pre-teen and early adolescent years are noted 

• -- poor academic performance, 
• low educational aspirations
• delinquency, 
• enduring poor social skills,
• sexual activity, 
• depression and drug use, 

• Cyberstalking

  Technology gives youth new chances to be stalked by a current or former dating partner. Cyberstalking includes:

  • Unwanted, frightening, or offensive emails, text messages, or instant messages (IMs)
  • Harassment or threats on social media
  • Tracking computer and internet use
  • Using technology such as GPS to track a person

WHAT SOME EXPERTS HAVE  TO SAY;

Some have opined that, having a boyfriend or girlfriend during the high school years seems to have a more positive effect. With greater emotional development and social skills, dating in later teen years can facilitate the development of personal identity and coping skills. Sorenson reports that tenth graders (SS1students),becoming increasingly more autonomous from their parents, gain social support from dating relationships, trumped only by close friends. The reality is thay at this stage they still have very fragile minds that need to be developed and protected.

Parental Influence

Violence among teen dating partners has garnered national attention in the State and has been called a public health problem that leads to adverse health outcomes. In "Teens and Dating: Tips for Parents and Professionals,"

Kate Fogarty says teens who feel warmth and support from parents experience more positive and secure friendships. Fogarty further reports that teen girls who have strong relationships with their mothers and who are not involved in steady dating have higher academic achievement than girls in romantic relationships. Parents can help their teenagers avoid negative dating experiences by keeping communication open in a warm and supportive relationship.

Abstinence

Teenage students who are abstinent from sexual activity have higher academic achievement, according to Robert Rector and Kirk A. Johnson in "Teenage Sexual Abstinence and Achievement." Statistics indicate that abstinent students are 60 percent less likely to be expelled from school, 50 percent more likely to graduate and twice as likely to complete college. However, it is not necessarily the sexual abstinence that gets the credit for the greater academic performance. It may be that the characteristics of the student who abstains are the same characteristics that help the student succeed academically -- impulse control, perseverance, ability to resist peer pressure and more respect for parental and societal norms.

OTHER EFFECTS AS IDENTIFIED ARE ;

Teenage Dating and Romantic Relationships Risks, risk values 

While dating can be a way for youth to learn positive relationship skills like mutual respect, trust, honesty, and compromise, it also can present challenges. Youth in relationships with the following features may be at risk: 

• Dating an older partner. Some older partners may want to have sex before an adolescent is developmentally or emotionally ready. When teenage girls do have sex with an older partner, they may not use contraception and are at a heightened risk of pregnancy. These risks are more common when young teens—particularly young girls—have a sexual relationship with an adult. Among young people ages 18-24, nine percent of girls and five percent of boys reported that they first had sex when they were age 15 or younger and their partner was at least three years older.1 This age difference also can carry legal consequences because there are laws that prohibit sex between minors and adults. The specific laws and definitions differ by state. 
• Having unrealistic expectations. Sometimes adolescents have idealistic views about relationships. For example, they may expect that relationships always progress in certain stages. First, they hang out with a group of friends; then they meet each other's parents; then they tell people they are a couple; and so forth. Youth may feel disappointed when the reality of their relationships does not match those expectations. One study found the more relationships progressed differently than expected, the more often girls experienced poor mental health, such as severe depression and even suicide attempts.2
• Dating at an early age. Younger adolescents are still developing their sense of self and learning about their likes, dislikes, and values. Younger adolescents also are more susceptible than older adolescents to peer pressure. Peers play an important role in influencing adolescent decisions about risky behaviors like having sex.3
• Having sex at an early age. When younger adolescents have sex, they often engage in risky sexual behaviors.4 They also might experience other negative outcomes like depression, substance use, poor romantic relationship quality, and low school participation.5

• Dating Violence 

  Some youth find themselves in violent dating relationships. Dating violence can be emotional, physical, or sexual. Dating violence also includes stalking. 

  • Emotional violence is when one partner threatens the other or harms his or her sense of self-worth or self-esteem. Emotional violence includes things like calling names, behaving in a controlling or jealous way, monitoring the other person constantly, shaming, or bullying. Emotional violence also happens when someone keeps the other away from friends and family.  
  • Physical violence is when someone pinches, hits, shoves, slaps, punches, or kicks their partner. 
  • Sexual violence is when someone forces a partner to have sex or engage in sexual activities when he or she does not or cannot consent. Force can be physical or nonphysical. An example of nonphysical violence is when someone threatens to spread rumors if a partner refuses to have sex.
  • Stalking is any form of repeated and unwanted contact that makes a person feel unsafe.
  • 
    
    

  Unfortunately, adolescents experience these forms of violence too often. Among adolescents who dated in the past year:

  • Eight percent reported being hit or physically hurt by a partner.
  • Almost one in three reported being emotionally abused by a partner.
  • Seven percent reported being forced by a partner to have sex or engage in sexual activities—like kissing or unwanted touching.6

  When dating violence occurs, it is common for both adolescent partners to be violent. In fact, 84 percent of youth ages 12-18 who survived dating violence also behaved violently. Adolescent boys and girls also experience similar rates of violence. About 69 percent of girls and 69 percent of boys who dated in the past year experienced some type of violence.7,8

As Christian teens, we must understand what the Bible says about relationships and what priorities we need to focus on. We are set apart from the rest of the world (1 Peter 2:9). If you've given your life to Christ, then you are living and working for His Kingdom.

 When we try to stop doing what the world does and start doing what God wants us to do (Romans 12:2), we will begin to honor God with our bodies and our relationships (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

THESE ARE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MUST BE ENGAGED INTO HAVING A DATING RELATIONSHIP;

You place yourself into unnecessary temptation and sin.  Dating can defile you.

Our bodies naturally long for physical and sexual intimacy.Teenage dating unnecessarily puts the Christian in temptation and possible sin.  It is like playing with fire.  This is why kissing always lead to more intense kissing.  Teenagers who are sexually charged with hormones as it is, put themselves at risk when they pair off and isolate each other.  Building intimacy without commitment is dangerous.  I can't tell you the number of Christian teenagers I've seen fall into sexual sin due the pseudo marriage the've made out of their marriage relationship.  Don't play with fire unnecessarily, don't start dating until your able to commit in marriage and then you will be able to joyfully and freely act out on your God given, but sin corrupted, sexual desires.   Teenage dating is unwise because the temptation to sexual sin is great, and sin defiles you.

Your primary focus should be on your relationship with God.  Dating can distract you.

Dating can be so distracting for Christian teenagers.  I watch them as they gossip about who is dating who.  Who broke up with this person.  There is a massive amount of emotional and intellectual engagement about the dating life of their peers.  It seems that teens are either working on getting a date, currently dating someone, or recovering from a breakup. Singleness seems to be taboo in teenage culture.

For the Christian teenager this whole business of dating can be very distracting.  As Christians, our primary focus, especially in our single years, should be on our relationship with God.  Rather than spending their energy pursuing the Lord, they are distracted by the dating culture.  Rather than spending their evening in prayer with the Lord, the spend it texting their girl friend. (FYI, Teens don't talk on the phone anymore, they just text)  Teenage dating is unwise because it can distract you from pursuing the Lord.

FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALREADY ADVANCED IN AGE AND ARE IN HIGHER INSTITUTION;

 

Dating or courting or whatever you want to call it can be a great way to solidify an already super strong friendship if your parents have given their blessing, God is at the center, and you are both ready to step it up. If you want to shoot for a lifelong, God-honoring union with your best friend, then that is when you know it's time to start a romance (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). 

You don't have the spiritual maturity and refuse to guard your heart. Dating can damage you.

Many teenagers just don't have the emotional or spiritual maturity to handle dating.  I see this especially in teenage girls.  In a culture of absent Dad, these girls long for the affection and care of a boy.  As a result many teenagers go from boy to boy looking for something that only Christ can give.  In the process these sweet young girls get their heart abused and taken advantage of time and time again.  Before you every start thinking about dating you must make sure your identity is sealed in your union with Christ, not in a boyfriend or girlfriend.   Teenage dating is unwise because it can damage you when you refuse to guard your heart and find your identity in Christ.

 You affections for your date is greater than your affections for God. Dating can deceive you.

We live in a culture that idolizes romance.  At the time of this writing it is Valentines day, the holy day of our false-god cupid. So many Christian teenagers get caught up in the idolatry of the culture and begin worshiping the idol of romance.  As a result, we can be deceived to idol worship if we are not careful.  As I watch the dating life of Christian teenagers, so often their affections for their boyfriend or girlfriend exceed their affections for Christ.  When this happens, idolatry has occurred in our hearts.  Teenage dating is unwise because it can deceive you to bending knee to cupid instead of the Lord Jesus Christ.

HOW MUCH OF GOD DO YOU TRUST?

When in doubt, ask God for guidance and be prepared to trust and obey Him. God loves us, and He does not want us to fail in life. But that sometimes means that He will not give us what we want when we want it because He knows the positive or negative results of our truest desires. Sometimes He will say "no" or "not now"; keep that in mind as you seek guidance from the Holy Spirit in your friendships and other relationships.

Remember Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." God sees the bigger picture and knows what is best for you at this point in your life.

For further reads;

Reference;

https://412teens.org/qna/what-does-the-Bible-say-about-teens-dating.php

https://412teens.org/blog/2016/161013-dating.php

https://www.justindeeter.com/archives/1208

https://oureverydaylife.com/effects-high-school-students-having-boyfriend-girlfriend-6709.html

https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-development/healthy-relationships/dating/teenage-dating/index.html