SINGLE PARENTHOOD AND CHILD DEVELOPMENT.

Train up a child in the way he should go , so that when he grows up ,he shall not depart from it.. 

He sets the lonely in a family and this is a perfect setting indeed.

Raising a child as a single parent is very stressful. As a single parent, you have to handle several tasks and make more than a few decisions. You may require effective ways to manage the special challenges single parents usually experience, to support and nurture your little one.

A single parent is a person who lives with a child or children and who does not have a spouse or live-in partner. Reasons for becoming a single parent include divorce, break-up, abandonment, death of the other parent, childbirth by a single woman or single-person adoption.

There is a phrase that says “it takes a village to raise a child,” which is quite accurate. In recent parts, the child used to be nurtured by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and close families. With the time and modernization, the ‘village’ shrank, and it still continues to disappear. Human beings have evolved so that the community raises them, but when it is not present, then the dysfunction will potentially develop

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CAUSES;

When the child is raised away from what SHOUKD ordinarily obtain, there is a build up of many effects on not just the single parents but also the child/children being raised,of which many ate psychological.

What factors tend to trigger these psychological problem? Divorce remains a common reason why a parent ends up single. It's not unusual for children to be exposed to -- or even drawn into -- the conflict that happens between parents before, during and after a breakup. Some parents may pressure children to choose sides, which can leave them feeling guilty or abandoned [source: Bromfield].

The face of single parenting has changed in recent decades. It's no longer synonymous with "broken" homes or "illegitimate" children -- probably at least in part, because single parenting is more common now, and parents are more likely to be on their own because they chose to be  so. It is becoming a statis thing for most modern day women.

We can also see this becoming a norm and trend as people no longer what to be in a real family setting trying to avoid the many challenges that they think comes with it.

The family is basic unit of the society and from the begining God wants a child be raised in a setting of father, mother and siblings ( where available) along side extended families and the larger society where as he builds his kingdom, the fates of hell can not prevail over.

Today, research reveals  in the U.S., around 30 percent of all families with children are headed by a single parent (versus nearly 20 percent in 1980) [source: U.S. Census Bureau]..Our own society is also seeing a rise in this kind of life style today because of modernisation , rights activists  call for woman rights and the desire of individuals to want to be independent and not under the control of any man.( or so they think)

Living with one parent instead of two can bring out a lot of emotions. These feelings can be pretty strong, and they can be confusing, too. You might feel terribly sad and angry because your parents divorced.

 An entangled child might never know what it is like to have one play the role of a missing parent and by extension may long to have such whereby being under pressure when such roles are played in the lives of their friends as they observe. ( personally, in my few years as a teacher /counsellor, I have seen this played out severely by many teens. Particularly as they face the pressure of adolescence.

It is not all negative though, just like every other aspects of human lives.there ate some few positives that can be made out of the seemingly bad situation for those who are single parents, not because they wanted ot, 

Possible Positive Effects of Single Parenting:

Most times, the negative effects of single parent households are quite apparent; economic troubles and abandonment related trust issues. But, there are also positive effects on raising a child.

1. Strong Mother-Child Bonding:

Spending one-on-one time with your little one creates a unique bond which will be stronger than the one if you were a nuclear parent. It goes in the case of custodial parents (one who has sole physical custody of the child) and also non-custodial parents who play a significant role in their child’s lives.

• Realize your sole importance and do not try to diminish it.
• If you think your bond is not strong, try to work on it.
• Your child’s connection with you will not end, and it continues to grow and evolve even after they turn 18.

2. Strong Sense Of Community:

As with the phrase discussed above “it takes a village to raise a child,” it works with single parent families as well. Children who have single parents will also have many supporters. Most cases, the extended family members will play a unique role in a child’s life. 

Single parents who do not live with their extended families will try participating in community groups which may include single parent support groups, synagogues and churches as the need applies.

• Join sole parent support groups
• Involve yourself in your child’s academics

3. Share Responsibilities:

Children raised by single parents will not just have token responsibilities to do, but their contribution to the complete family system is necessary. In this way, children will understand the value of their contribution and can take pleasure in their work.

• Let your children recognize the efforts they put in
• Praise them for doing the house chores
• Be specific while asking them to offer the help

4. Maturity:

Children will find their parents working hard, and it will force them to collaborate and work along with their parents. Additionally, the children will also learn to manage their disappointments in life.

• If you find your child is disappointed, respond with support, empathy and encouragement.
• These experiences will help children become empathetic and caring adults.
• You may not prevent them from feeling disappointed or sad all the time, but you can manage their emotions.

5. Parental Role Modelling:

Children brought up in single parent families will realize their importance in their parents’ lives. It is a healthy approach which will help them to prepare for the real world. Children will feel secure about their ability to negotiate the challenges of future life.

• Let your children balance their needs with needs of the family.
• Teach them to consider other’s needs as well.

6. Lack Of Parental Conflicts:

There will be no parental conflict, and it eases tension and stress for both the parent and the child. It will be true in the case of the former partner being abusive or the relationship was controversial. 

If there are no arguments or conflicts, the child will feel more secure in her living environment. (ofcourse this doesn't get them immune to conflicts being experienced in the real larger society )

POSSIBLE  TANGIBLE NEGATIVE EFFECTS WHICH CALL FOR CONCERN.

Most studies agree that children from single-parent families are more likely to grow up in financially challenged circumstances. As adults, these same children are also likely to have lower incomes than people who grew up in more affluent two-parent homes

If you live with one parent, you know that a lot of other kids do, too. More than 20 million kids in the United States live with one parent. Separation and divorce are the most common reasons for this. In other cases, the mom and dad may never have lived together, or one of them may have died.

Emotions all by themselves aren't either good or bad. They're just feelings. Because living with one parent can sometimes be stressful, it can help to talk about it. You can talk with your parent, a relative, school counselor, or another trusted adult. Talking with other kids who live with single parents can be a great idea, too

• children from single-parent homes may be more likely to drop out of school, and they are also more vulnerable to alcohol and drug use.
• A report in the Journal of Family Psychology showed that young adults whose parents had divorced still reported distress -- including feelings of loss because of a diminished relationship with one parent -- 10 years after the fact [source: Parenting 24/7]. These painful memories may be a root cause of some developmental issue
• The economic situation of single parents is another one of the main factors that can make families vulnerable. Half of all risks to these children stem from money problems, researchers have found [source: Miller]. 
• The relation between strained finances and children doing poorly in school can be direct, as with a child who feels obligated to drop out of school to help make ends meet. Or, the impact can be indirect: A single parent working two jobs may simply have less time to help with homework and have less control over his or her kids.
• My personal experience has also shown that in our society, the less privileged ones who are also single parents tend to show over pampering of living cares with a negative tendency of destroying the proper growth of the child. This affects their being indepent later in life as they were not given the needed life skills because of over protection ans pampering.
• There is also those who become abusive because of the attendant pressure that come with being a single parent, ans the child/children is/are seen being a the receiving end.

Psychological Effects of Having a Single Parent

One major study in Sweden, which is in line with other research on the subject, looked at the health records of nearly a million young people and found that children from single-parent families had twice the incidence of psychiatric illness, suicide attempts and alcohol abuse problems compared with those from two-parent homes [source: Meikle]. Other studies have shown that kids living with single parents have lower self-esteem also 

 Low Parenting Quality : 

Your way of parenting suffers when many responsibilities add to your everyday life. Your long hours of working may make you miss your child’s important school functions. You may not afford a babysitter to take out some valuable down time. You may react more if you see your child being untidy. You may also disclose your personal, professional or financial issues with your child. But, they will not have the maturity and emotional strength to deal with the situations so as to help you (3).

Take out some time and find ways to have the individual time with each of your children.

 Children After A Divorce:

If your reason for single parenting is divorce, your children will also suffer from adjustment problems or may have the feeling of being ashamed. If your partner stops looking out after your kids as he or she used to do before, your children may badly suffer resentment. There are also chances they still hold on to bad memories of your divorce.

If you notice your child having trouble sleeping or experiencing problems at school, you should counsel her or take her for counselling.

HOW TO HELP A CHILD 

Here are some things a single parent can do to protect kids from these risk factors:

• Talk (and Listen) to children. Explain any changes that are taking place. One study showed that in only 5 percent of cases did parents explain to their children why they were divorcing or listen to their questions [source: Parenting 24/7].
• Shield kids from parental conflict. Don't ask them to take sides. Try to find a way to work with your ex-spouse.
• Pay attention to your own feelings.You may be burdened with guilt and self-loathing because your marriage or relationship failed. These attitudes can be contagious. If necessary, see a counselor to work through issues.
• Accentuate the positive. Children in a single-parent home often take on more responsibility, which can teach them independence. Be sure to recognize their contributions and be generous with praise.

The risks of raising kids in single-parent families go beyond just psychological effects. Haven sen some of the possible effects of the single parent and  the child ,let now see how we can help the situation to make life better for both the child ans the parent in question.

POSSIBLE  HELP FOR A CHILD IN A SINGLE PARENTING  HOME;

Offer Unconditional Love To Your Children:

Even after separating from your partner, your kids will still look for the same love and concern they used to get before. They need the same protection, routine, encouragement to learn and support from a loving and trusting parent. It may be hard for you to show the same support and warmth in the initial days, but how can you show her the care?

• Positive attention: Smile with her, laugh with her and hug her as much as you can. Let her know that you are happy to see her in the morning and when she is back home from her school or child care.
• One on One time: Try to contribute some time for each child. It may be a walk, reading a book before bedtime, playing a game or talking. You can plan some outing with younger one when elder children are at school.
• Praise: Whenever your child achieves something, praise her. Praise for the way he is growing up and coping. For instance, you may say, ‘I am proud of your result in academics.’
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2. Set Ground Rules:

You will not have anyone else to back you up, so establishing certain ground rules will help to raise your children without much effort.

• Use praise: Look for the ways to praise good behavior in your child. Rewarding with points is the effective way to instill good behavior in them.
• Firm and serious voice tone: Interacting in a low voice is an easy tool for better parent-child communication.
• Boundaries: Set up some rules that help to know whether the behavior is acceptable or not. Your child should understand if she is crossing the limitations.
• Isolate or redirect: If your child is continuously behaving badly, you have to redirect her ways. If the problem is about television, you should turn it off; or if it is about fighting for toys, snatch them away.
• Loss of privileges: Your child should know the cost of misbehavior.
• Ignore: If some of the misbehavior is to draw attention, you should ignore it right away REBECCA MALACHI 2019

3.  Support Groups:

It is evident that single parents need help to take care of kids when they are on run to do errands or someone to talk when they are disturbed. You can ask your extended family and friends to help. You may also join a support group, or hire a babysitter to take care of your little one.

4.  Give Honest Replies:

It is quite obvious that your child may question you about the other parent or the changes in the family. Try answering her in an honest and open way. Also, offer her the required support and help she required to deal with those emotions.

GOD'S WILL FOR THE PARENTS AND CHILD 

Psalm 68:5 ESV / 49 helpful votes

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.

Isaiah 54:5 ESV / 25 helpful votes 

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.

Jeremiah 1:5 ESV / 24 helpful votes 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Refences;

: Colleen Sherman, PhD

https://kidshealth.org/

https://www.howstuffworks.com/hsw-contact.htm

https://www.howstuffworks.com/

REBECCA MALACH 

December 16, 2019 

https://www.momjunction.com/